This is Ours
by Planetgreen
Summary: Returning after ten years for a high school reunion. Santana has to face the truth of her relationship now, and the struggle of not being able to let go of her first love, the one that got away. Dantana, Brittana, Pezberry friendship.


**This is a one shot that I put together to apologize for my lack of updating. I'm in a really crazy stage of my life at the moment and struggling to hold the commitment of two stories.**

**Thanks.**

**This is 'Ours'.**

Deep breaths; that's what I need.  
I need to be an adult about this; we're all grown-ups now, it shouldn't be this hard to see her again. Yet here we are, in a place where it feels like time has sped passed us, that hundreds of years have gone by when in fact; it's only been ten.

A decade, she's been out of my life for ten years. I thought that we would be together forever. We broke up, but I always thought that we would find out way back to each other. That's what had always happened, every since we were little.

It's strange to think that even though she's been absent from me for ten years, she's been a part of me for over half my life, funny how we thought it would be forever.

Now as another; the one who has held me close now for nine years pulls into the dreary parking lot of McKinley High, I can feel my whole stomach lowering.

Dani squeezes my hand over the console of our car. It's funny that when you are in a relationship everything slowly becomes 'ours' instead of 'yours', things that you once held dear, things that were once solely 'mine' were moved into our tiny twin apartment, when we were both attempting to make something of ourselves. Now, the home we share; 'ours', the car we share; 'ours' the love we have; 'ours', apparently…

As she leans over and presses her lips to mine, I can't help but feel as though she doesn't feel right. Her lips are familiar to me, and I have become to know them over time; but they are not the lips I was made for. They do not fit perfectly to mine, lips that will captivate me forever.  
She always spelt of vanilla; a scent that fit her so perfectly, and went hand in hand with her giggle, that was a gift from above, the sound of an angel. Dani, my Dani, who I share an 'ours' with; she smells of Jasmine, and holds a deep, chesty laugh; right from the depths of her stomach.

"It'll be okay Baby,"  
She mumbles, still pressing her lips to mine, completely unaware of the origin of my inner turmoil.  
"Rach said she was going to be here soon, we just have to go inside"

Dani pulls the keys from the ignition and squeezes my hand again, looking at me expectantly, her eyes smirking and encouraging me to leave the car.  
"This was a bad idea Dan, let's just go home,"  
I whisper, moving to put my seatbelt back on, reaching for my hand and stilling it, before it may reach it's destination; Dani gives a stern look.  
"Santana, you'll regret this if you do not go inside."

The banner hangs like a guillotine over my head as we enter the auditorium, her hand weighing me down, my temporary lifeline.  
It was only ever meant to be temporary.  
**"McKinley High, Class of 2012-10 Year Reunion"  
**

I can hear the boom of the base through the doors, and the deafening sound of small talk and laughter.  
I'd kill to hear her laugh; I'd kill to see her smile, I'd probably kill to just see her.

I love Dani, there is no doubt to that. She is a beautiful person, who treats me right and in all honesty; I am not deserving of her. I know that.

I read once;  
You experience three loves throughout your life.  
Your first love, playground love, or a love found under the bleachers in a high school at lunchtime. When you slowly begin to realize what your feelings mean, how deep they run.

I could never have had this with Dani, I had this with her, I had that with her the instant I laid eyes upon her.

Following that, there is your true love. The love you experience, and it feels like nothing you've eve felt before, it consumes you, you would do anything for this person, even if it meant walking to their house, stark naked in the pouring rain; you would do it. They drive you so insane that at sometimes you just want to yell, scream and tear your hair out; and then they say they love you, and you melt in an instant, completely forgetting the reason you were mad in the first place.

They're the person you never forget and if you're stupid enough to let them go, they become 'the one that got away' and you regret it, for your whole life.

I had that with her, from the moment our lips met for the first time, it was soft and sweet, but held the deepest passion I have ever felt.

Finally; there is the love of your life.

I loved Dani. She was the person that held me when I slept, cooked for me when I was tired, loved me when I needed to feel. She was everything I could ever want, she was just the wrong person.

I had though that letting go of my true love, the one I held dearest would help me in my ability to love again, but I just felt wrong; like I could not fit with another like we fit together. I couldn't leave Dani because she made me feel safe. She wanted me and I needed to feel wanted.

So as I held the hand of the woman that helped me live for the past nine years and take a deep breath, I walked through the doors.

Upon making our way through a ridiculous amount of streamers, all hands pointing to 'Very Berry' decorating, I collide with a heavily track suited body.  
"Sandbags, it's nice to see you could take time out of your ever-ridiculous schedule to grace us with your presence. What has it been, nine years since you've been in Lima?"  
I look into the face of the looming figure in front of me: Sue Sylvester. A woman that never seems to age and probably held a seat at The Last Supper. Within the space of a second; my mask is back.  
"Spare me the sentimental bull-crap Sylvester, I'm here for one reason and one reason only, the booze; obviously because it's free, mainly because it's good, and finally because free booze. Yes, in case you were wondering. This is the first time I have returned to the ever deepening hole that is Lima Ohio, it took me long enough to dig a way out, why did you think I wanted to jump on back in?"  
I stare up at the coach, my old smirk back in its rightful place on my face with Dani's eyes flicking between Sue and I, her mouth open in shock.  
Before I have a chance to react, I'm pulled into a hug.  
"It's nice to see you too Tweedle Fake Boobs"  
She whispers into my ear before moving into crowd, turning slowly to face me at the last minute, a smile forming on her face.  
"Tweedle Dumb would be really happy to see you, you know. It's been nine years for her also"  
And then she's gone, her size in comparison to her stealth, still shocking me.

I feel a small tug on my hand, realization dawning that Dani was beside me and had witnessed the whole exchange.  
"Baby, I know this isn't the time, and I'm still trying to figure out what half those nicknames were insinuating, but that was probably the weirdest thing I have ever seen"  
She laughs, before we are both pulled into a bone crushing hug, signifying the arrival of Rachel and Kurt. The two closest friends I have since leaving Lima. They welcomed Dani with open arms; happy to have a distraction to my constant depressive demeanor.

We search the large room and find a table large enough to sit our little family crew, the Hummelberry twins breaking the awkward tension with ease and lifting me nerves slightly, just slightly.

Rachel eyes flick to me throughout the conversation at several different intervals, the three of us making an effort to converse with our old friends, introducing Dani at different intervals to those that had not already met her. Distracted, my eyes keep searching the dance floor for that crop of blonde hair, a flash of those blue eyes or that smile. Each time, I find nothing, each time I grow more and more conscious of her absence.

Halfway through our night Dani and Kurt move to the bar, to refill our glasses once again. Dani kisses my forehead as she reaches for my glass, hers still full of soda as she had elected to drive to and from the event.  
"I'll be back in a second sweetie, try to have fun, you look like you're in pain."  
She whispers into my ear, pecking me gently on the lips once again before glancing down at me. My eyes meet Rachel's across the table and I realize how luck I am to have a best friend that is able to communicate with me through glances.  
Her sharp voice interrupts my thoughts of Blonde, of blue, of love.  
"I'm going to the bathroom, Santana will you accompany me?"  
I nod my head once and raise myself from my seat, pressing my lips to Dani's as I begin moving away, needing to feel connected to her, yet managing to still feel separated. Our lips do not fit like they should.

We walk down the familiar corridor of the school and Rachel steers me into the nearest bathroom, the route still firmly imprinted into our brains, the last time we walked these halls together though, an entirely different time.  
"Santana, this has to stop. She isn't here, she isn't coming, and you're making your PARTNER worried."  
Rachel looks up at me, anger in her eyes, I let a tear fall freely down my cheek as I stare back into her, her eyes softening at my obvious confusion.  
"It's so hard Rach"  
I choke out, more tears spilling down my cheeks, my mascara beginning to run down my face, leaving a dark trail behind my tears.  
"It's hard missing her after so long, and knowing it's my fault, knowing I fucked up. It's hard knowing that no matter how much I love Dani, I'll always, always love her more. It's hard never coming back here, because all I can think of when I do is how much I missed out on. It's ten years later and it's so fucking hard because I'm still so in love with her-"  
Rachel pulls me into an embrace, her small arms cradling my body and my sobs echoing throughout the bathroom.  
"I miss her so much Rachel"  
I sigh as I pull myself up from her.  
"It feels like every day without her, a heavier weight is put on my chest, and even though it hurts to breath, I still have to do it, because that's what she'd want."

After fixing my make up, and giving me comfort, Rachel leaves to return to the reunion. Telling me to take a walk to compose myself, and that she would keep Dani occupied.

So as I walk around my old school for the first time in ten years, I let myself be overcome by the memories.  
The locker room, the cafeteria, our lockers and finally; the choir room.

Sitting on a seat, in the back row, I stare at our photo, 'the New Directions' taken just after winning nationals. Everyone in the photo is sporting a massive grin, staring at the camera wide eyed and basking in the victory. All but two slim cheerleaders at the very back, arms wrapped around each other and lips fitted firmly together, the smiles on their faces obvious even through their kiss.

I stand and move to the photo on the wall, reaching up to touch it, letting myself relive the moment, letting myself remember those lips, letting myself remember that girl.

"That was one of the happiest moments of my life, you know?"  
Her voice stills the movement of my hand, letting my calm falter before I begin moving it again, she's not real, she's not here.  
"It wasn't winning, and it wasn't the thrill of dancing, even though I really loved dancing because it made me feel like my arms and legs could make me fly"  
My fingers slowly stroked over the blonde hair in the picture.  
"My most happiest moment was when you kissed me in front of everyone and I knew that you didn't care what anyone else thought, or who was watching. I knew that you were so, so proud and you just loved me."  
I could hear her voice getting closer, but it was my imagination, this wasn't real. She wasn't here.  
"San"  
She whispered, her voice barely a centimeter away from my neck sending a shiver down my spine.  
"I don't think I loved you so much until that moment, I knew that you were it."  
My fingers stilled on the picture, her words hanging in the air, she couldn't be here; she wasn't going to be here, Rachel said she wasn't coming. 

I felt a touch on my arm and flinched, an automatic reaction to the dark room and intensity of the situation, her touch sending tingles down my arm, through my spine.  
She couldn't be here.  
"Turn around Santana"  
Her voice commanded, urging my body to kick into autopilot, always giving her what she wanted and turning around, my eyes were firmly held shut.

I felt her soft hand slowly move up to the side of my face, cupping my cheek.  
"No"  
I muttered, softly pulling the hand away, allowing my touch to linger on her wrist.  
"You're not real, you're not here"  
I whispered as a tear retraced its path down my cheek, only to be caught with soft, delicate fingers.  
"I'm here honey; you can open your eyes now. It's going to be okay."  
With her words, I opened my eyes, meeting the deep blue that I had been longing for, I had been craving for what felt like eternity.

We stared into each other's eyes for what felt like a lifetime until I saw her trace a path to my lips and back to my eyes again, soaking in every inch of my face on the way.  
I felt panic begin to set in as my cheeks flushed red, more tears forming in my eyes as I continued to stare into hers.  
"It's okay Baby"  
She whispered, and pulled me closer to her. Her strong arms wrapping around my waist. 

"All that matters in this moment is you and me, that's all that will need to matter forever. As long as we're together, everything is okay"  
She whispered softly, her breath hitting my lips and continuing to stroke my face until her hand stopped, resting on my cheek and pulling me in, gently connecting our lips in a chaste kiss.  
"I missed you"  
She sighed, barely a hair away.  
It was then that I melted, allowing her to take my all; her soft, velvety tongue stoking mine as I weaved my hands into her hair, the only thing keeping me stable was the strong arm around my waist. Fitting perfectly to one another, because we were made for one another. I would have stayed kissing her forever, if she'd let me.

Pulling away, she kissed me again softly and then rested her forehead against mine, our eyes holding, and not breaking their much needed reunion.  
"Brittany"  
I sighed, my eyes closing on their own accord, not wanting our moment to end, but having to break it due to the intensity.  
"I love you,"  
She said, kissing me again.  
"It's always been you, you're the one, my one true love; the love of my life. What we have can only be witnessed or shared by us, this is ours"

Nothing mattered in that moment, and nothing would matter again, because we were Brittany and Santana, and no matter what; we were made for each other.


End file.
